Being Self Taught - WARNING, Family Photos Ahead

I recently joined a quilting blog and noticed something fascinating. Many people just starting out feel the need to apologize for not knowing what they are doing. They ask for tips on finding the experts and quilting the "right way." The more experienced quilters tend to fall into one of two camps. Camp Watch YouTube eagerly gives recommendations on blogs to follow, YouTube channels to view, and people who are leaders in the field. These people generously share the wisdom they've accumulated as consumers and producers of quilting knowledge.

Camp Just Do It, on the other hand, urges the newcomers to just jump in and try things. Break the rules, ignore the "right way," learn through trial and error. I belong to this camp. This is partly because I learn everything through doing and would rather figure things out alone than ever ask for help. It's also likely a product of how I learned to quilt and how that history has informed what I now think of as my artistic vision.
My Grandma taught me to sew when I was very young. I was the first grandchild in our large family and I benefited greatly from this. I remember her constant patience as I begged her to teach me to do all the things she did: from drawing "Barbies" (curvy paper dolls she had perfected), to crocheting afghans, baking sweet treats, and sewing. I loved sewing. I can still smell the wooden box where she kept her fabric scraps. And hear the satisfying clang of buttons in her old cigar box, now home to orphan buttons. I'm sure I made all kinds of sewn messes in those early years. Meanwhile, she mostly spent her sewing time making clothes for all the kids. I started making my own clothes in 6th grade. I had grown very quickly and none of my pants were long enough. She helped me to design ways to alter my clothes. I designed my first dress shortly after.

Around the year 2000, I took up clothes-making in earnest. Grandma had given me books on basic sewing skills and advice for making money from my sewing. I gave myself self-study assignments to get better at reading patterns and I started making clothes for me and my best friend. I didn't even have quilting on my radar.Grandma pretty much always had quilts she was working on, but they didn't interest me the way clothes did. That all changed in 2004.

In 2004, Grandma suddenly got very sick and because she had had an earlier bout with lymphoma, I knew her drastic change in behavior and lack of control over bodily functions were signs of the end. I immediately booked a ticket to fly across the country and be with her and my family. In the week or so I got to be with her, I remembered all the things she taught me and all the things I would never get to learn from her. I asked her to sit down and describe to me how she made pickles, how she cared for her flowers, and how she quilted. By this point, she was not able to give me coherent directions, but she seemed to enjoy talking about the things she loved to do. This was one of the hardest weeks of my life, but it was also one of the most beautiful experiences we had together. I still wasn't really thinking about quilting though.

I finally started thinking about quilting less than a year later when my first nephew was born. You could not imagine a more excited Aunt than me around that time. I wanted to give this new baby everything, and I was so sad that he would never meet Grandma. The only thing I could think to do was to share a piece of her with him through quilting. I designed and created this quilt with no pattern, no consulting with experts, no YouTube. I had a vision and I just jumped in. I love how it turned out. I am incredibly proud to have this as my first quilt.

My process continues to be one of imagining, playing, and hoping something beautiful will come out. It doesn't always work. I have a box full of abandoned prototypes. Each day I learn something new about quilting is a day that I learn I've been doing it the "wrong" way for years. I don't care.

If you've ever seen me bowl, you know that this is a general philosophy for me. Do it however works for you. Don't worry about anyone else. Creativity is within each of us.

I still miss Grandma. All of the time. Sewing makes me feel closer to her. Often after a long day of sewing, I dream of our old house or the trees we climbed in the backyard. A few times she has even come to me in my dreams. When I'm quilting, I like to think that she's there with me, cussing out the sewing machine and admiring perfectly matching corners, however rare they might be.

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